


Conversations from the High Place

by alexis (of_too_minds)



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: F/M, Insecurities, Mild Language, Post Season 2, miscommunication and misunderstanding, no disrespect intended to religion, philosophical debates, references to heat/mating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 01:31:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1286167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/of_too_minds/pseuds/alexis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 'what might have been' fic. Max and Alec spent a lot of time together on the top of the Space Needle. Here are some of the conversations that might have happened up there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Religion

Max sat at the edge of the Space Needle, the city spread out beneath her feet. A chill wind blew her hair around her face, briefly exposing the bar code on the back of her neck. Alec didn’t bother to call out to her as he stepped out on the roof to join her; she knew the sound of his footfalls. He sat down next to her, a warm, familiar presence at her side. Her place had become their place; the place where they’d forged their friendship. A safe place either could retreat to when the pressures of running Freak Nation became too much.

Max laid back against the cool metal and stared up at the stars. Her dark hair fanned out around her face like a halo. “Do you think there’s a God up there?” she asked idly.

“Nope,” Alec said flatly.

Max cocked her head in curiosity. “How can you be so sure there isn’t?”

“I offered him a deal,” he said without looking at her. “My life for hers. If there is a higher power, don’t you think he’d have taken me up on it? She was worth ten of me.”

Max winced at the bitterness and self-loathing in his tone. She watched his set face, the tightness in his shoulders, and wished she had the words to reach him. Alec ignored her and started fixedly into the distance. He’d retreated into himself, keeping his misery close to his heart like a miser. Max could have kicked herself for dredging up such painful memories. She went back to watching the stars. She racked her brains for something else to talk about, something with no land mines in it for either of them.

Eventually Alec turned to look at Max. His walls were firmly in place, and his eyes revealed nothing of what he was feeling. “I refuse to believe in any god that would snatch her away like that,” he said in a conversational tone of voice. “But hey, that’s just me. What about you?”

Max shrugged. “I didn’t use to, not after seeing what it did to Ben. But I don’t know what to believe anymore. The second time I touched Logan, I begged God to spare him. And then we found out Logan had chicken pox. So maybe there is a God, and he really does work in mysterious ways.

Alec laughed bitterly. “So either that was just a coincidence, or there is a god and he hates me. Great.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Alec, you did the best you could. You—”

“Don’t,” he interrupted. His voice was harsh and low. “Don’t try and make it better, because you can’t. And it’s no less than I deserve.” Alec stood abruptly, his back to her. “I’m hungry. You want anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

He nodded and moved away from her and the comfort she would have gladly offered, if only he would allow himself to take it. Max sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. Dawn was a long time coming.

 


	2. Heat

Another night; another shared vigil over their chosen city. 

“So how old were you when you went into Heat for the first time?” Alec asked curiously.

“14,” Max answered flatly. “It freaked me out. All of a sudden I just wanted to jump every guy I saw. I didn’t even know what to do. I’d never had sex before and the guy I hooked up with couldn’t even tell. He thought I was some kind of Lolita.” She shuddered at the memory.

Alec felt a flash of anger. He could just imagine the guy’s reaction to a pubertal Max in Heat. It was a wet dream come true The guy would have totally used Max, and caught up in Heat like that, she wouldn’t have had a clue what was happening. “Shit. I’m sorry, Max.”

Max shrugged off his apology. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, but aren’t all males held collectively responsible when some of us act like dicks?”

Max smiled weakly. “I’ll let you off the hook this time.”

“So how’d you figure it out?”

“My foster family’s cat when into Heat. She was itching for every stray tomcat in the neighbourhood. And then I realized that was going to be me, three times a year for the rest of my life. I wanted to kick Deck’s ass so hard for doing that to me. I swore I wasn’t going to let it control me. I tried so hard to fight it, every time.”

“Why? It’s part of who we are.”

“Yeah, I know, but…” Max shrugged and fiddled with her hands. “It just felt like if I gave in to it, then Manticore won. It would always be in control, pulling my strings, no matter how far I ran.” She sighed and looked over at Alec. “You are so lucky you aren’t at the mercy of your feline DNA.”

Alec choked back a bitter laugh. “You should have paid more attention to how the tomcats reacted to your foster family’s cat. You obviously have no idea what happens to male X5s when you go into Heat. One whiff of your pheromones and we degenerate into total cavemen.” He lowered his voice and grunted like Tarzan. “Me take mate now.”

“Seriously?” Max gaped.

He nodded. “Yep. And, if there are any other males around, we’ll fight like animals to see who gets the girl.”

“Huh. I had no idea.”

Alec shrugged. “It’s a biologically-based mating urge. We can’t control it anymore than you can.” He grinned at her. “But at least the sex is fantastic.”

Max stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t know about that. Every time it was like I was going to explode if I didn’t get some, but then it was over and I felt, I don’t know… let down, or something. It just didn’t live up to expectations.”

“Then you weren’t doing it right,” Alec replied with a cocky grin. “Wait, you were always with Ordinaries, right?”

“Yeah, but what different does that make?”

“Believe me, it makes a difference. Two X5s can go for days during Heat.”

Max’s jaw dropped at the thought of engaging in wild, animal sex for days. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope. Next time, give me a call and I’ll show you,” he said with a smirk and a wink.

Max rolled her eyes and smacked him on the shoulder. She chewed on her lip, deep in thought. “I haven’t, um…”

“Gone into Heat since we met. Yeah, I know.”

“How would you know?”

“Trust me, if you went into Heat, I’d know about it.”

Max was startled by the intense look in Alec’s eyes. A small shiver ran down her back as she wondered what Heat with Alec might feel like. She licked her suddenly dry lips. “So, um, any idea why not?”

“The heart transplant probably threw your system all out of whack. But it’s not permanent. Eventually, cat scratch fever will come knocking again.”

Max stared down at her hands. “When it does, I don’t want to kick it with some random guy. I, um, I know I don’t have a right to ask this, and I totally understand if you don’t want to, but would you maybe consider, um…”

“Yes.”

Max glanced at Alec in surprise at the ease with which he agreed. “That’s your answer, just like that? Don’t you need to think about it first?”

Alec leaned in close, his lips just a few inches from hers. “See, that’s your problem, Max. You spend way too much time thinking.”

 


	3. Aftermath

For once, Alec beat Max to the High Place. She hesitated inside the observation deck before squaring her shoulders and climbing out of the window onto the slick metal surface of the Needle.

Alec tensed. “Come to push me over the edge?”

Five days ago, Max went into Heat. True to his word, Alec took her home and showed her exactly what Heat should be between two fully functioning X5s. Three days ago, Max scrambled into her torn clothing and booked it from his apartment as if the hounds of hell were barking at her heels. He hadn’t seen her since. 

Max drifted closer to the edge and the tense transgenic sitting there. She bit her lip, unsure how or where to begin.  


“I am not taking the blame for this one, Max,” Alec warned. “I told you I wouldn’t have any more control over it than you do. And you still called me to scratch your itch. Only now you’re pissed. You regret it. You regret that it was me. Do you have any idea how that feels?” He stood and moved to brush past her.

“Alec, wait!”

He hesitated, back stiff and straight. Max thought he might just walk away after all, but then he sighed and turned to look at her.

She fiddled with the hem of her jacket, unable to meet his eyes. When she spoke it was as if the words were being dragged out of her. “I’m not pissed at you. _I_ called _you_. I wanted it to be you. That’s on me. I’m mad because…” Max bit her lip hard and then said the rest in a rush, “Because I didn’t think about Logan, not even once that whole time. Do you know how much that scares me? What the hell does it mean?”

“It means you have to make a choice,” Alec answered flatly. 

“Making a choice implies there are options to pick from,” Max said tentatively. “So do I have… options? Because last time I checked, Logan was the only man offering to date me.”

A long beat passed. The air practically vibrated with tension. Alec blew out a deep breath. “Yeah. You have options. If you want it.”

“Oh,” Max said surprised. “Okay. Um… I need to…” She gestured vaguely to the edge of the Needle. 

Alec’s shoulders slumped wearily.“Right. I’ll just… go. Somewhere that isn’t here.”

“Stay?” she asked softly, one hand held out in supplication. 

 


	4. Fall Out

*Flashback*

_Logan knocked perfunctorily at Max’s office door and walked right in without waiting for a response. He froze, shocked at the sight of Max and Alec locked together in a passionate kiss. They’re both shirtless. Max was perched on the edge of her desk, legs wrapped around Alec’s lean hips. One of his large hands cradled the back of her skull, the other was busy caressing her breast._

_Max gasped and froze. Alec glared at Logan, eyes narrowed and teeth bared in a threat display. He clutched Max close, making certain she was shielded from the hacker’s view behind his bulk. Max ducked her head and pressed her face against Alec’s shoulder, unable to look at Logan’s stricken face._

_They were all frozen in place, until Alec broke the tableau. “Logan, get out!” he snarled._

_Logan stumbled back awkwardly and slammed the door shut._

_Max was mortified that Logan saw her in such a compromising position in her office of all places. She pushed at Alec to let go and snatched up her discarded top. “Get dressed,” she hissed at him._

*end flashback*

 

* * *

 

Max sighed and laid her head against her upraised knees. The High Place wasn’t working its magic tonight. Her thoughts were all jumbled.

She remembered the story Sketchy once told her and OC about the time his mother came home early and caught him masturbating to a porn video in their living room. Max imagined this sick feeling in the pit of her stomach was exactly the way Sketchy felt. Logan knew about her and Alec of course, but he wasn’t supposed to _know_.  How was she supposed to look him in the eyes and carry on a normal conversation with him now, knowing he’d seen her half naked?

So lost was she in her thoughts, the sound of Alec’s footfalls never registered. His hand on her shoulder startled her so badly that she leapt to her feet, fists raised to defend herself against an attack.  

Alec stepped backwards, hands raised. Hurt shone in his eyes before he tucked it away behind a blank mask. She should have known it was him approaching, so he could only assume her raised fists meant she was about to take her anger and humiliation out on him as per usual. ‘ _So much for our fresh start_ ,’ he thought bitterly.

“So what’s the plan, Max. Going to run back to Logan, tell him it was an accident? Tell him you tripped and accidentally got your tongue caught in my throat? He’ll believe that. After all, his precious Max would never voluntarily lower herself into the mud to be with me,” he muttered.

“Alec, you’re such a jerk sometimes,” Max snapped back. 

“And you’re a cold manipulative bitch,” he shot back.

“Excuse me?!” Max sputtered

“You can’t keep doing this to me” Alec growled in frustration. “You’re either in my bed or you’re not. Pick one.” He hadn’t meant to say that last part, to issue an ultimatum just like that, but the words were out now and he was too angry to take them back. And he’d never have the strength to leave otherwise. There was just enough adrenaline surging through his system that if she turned him down he’d be able to make it off the Needle and out of the city.

Max just stared at Alec, completely dumbstruck. She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. She couldn’t get the words out. Didn’t even know what to say, actually. Her brain seemed to be misfiring.

Alec watched her struggle for words. He slowly deflated. He averted his face, so Max wouldn’t see him break. “Right,” he said quietly, his voice bitter. “It’s always going to be him, isn’t it Max? It’s never going to be me.” He nodded to himself and moved towards the exit.

Max panicked. He couldn’t leave her. She couldn’t lose him. She latched onto his arm and hauled him around to face her. “Don’t go, Alec… Don’t just walk away. Don’t leave.”

“Why not?” he demanded harshly. “Give me a reason to stay.”

So Max kissed him.

Alec froze. He desperately wanted to give in to the kiss, felt himself start to give in. He forced himself to grab her shoulders and push her away roughly.  “Don’t,” he snarled, painting heavily. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath. “I can’t do this, Max. I can’t make love to you while you’re thinking of him.”

“But I’m not,” Max replied in a tiny voice.

“Yeah, right,” Alec said bitterly. “That’s why you’re first instinct is to go tell Logan ‘we’re not like that’.”

“But he already knows,” Max protested. “I told him about you. About us.”

That stopped Alec short. He stared at Max. “You told him,” he repeated. She nodded. “You told him we were together. As in you and I, in a relationship, _together_ together…” She nodded again. “And it didn’t occur to you to tell _me_ that?!” he exploded.

“Well I thought it was kind of obvious,” Max retorted. “What with the you and me getting busy part. I don’t do casual sex, Alec.”

Alec closed his eyes and breathed deeply, struggling for control. He was caught between anger and a sweet, soaring happiness. Max held her breath, waiting for his reply. 

“I always knew you wanted my fine ass,” he teased.

Max’s face blossomed into a smile. If Alec was joking then everything was going to be okay. 

“So does this mean I get to call you my girlfriend?”

She tipped her head to one side. “I dunno, we haven’t actually been on a date yet.”

“You want to?” Alec asked hurriedly.

“You mean like dinner and a movie?” Max grinned impishly. “Nah, I think I’d just rather stay in tonight.”

 


End file.
